I’m feeling much better today, thanks for asking. Yesterday was a bear. I got all caught up with worries and fears and anxieties and it took hours and some good talking and soul-searching to get out of it.
But I wasn’t wholly honest with you. I left out something very important — a shameful secret I have long tried to pretend doesn’t exist.
I have a problem with impulse control shopping. I like to buy things. There’s an odd satisfaction about clicking “submit payment” when I find something I want online, or even carrying home some new item from a store.
I could do that when I worked at CNN — I made a good salary, and took care of the bills. But there’s a price to pay. I should have thousands of dollars socked away to get me through this lean period, but I don’t, because I can’t let money burn a hole in my pocket, which, of course, it can’t do.
The Big Gray Kitty sometimes can’t walk on the floor — it’s lava, you know. He must go along the furniture to reach his destination. That burning a hole in the pocket thing is a little like thinking the floor is lava. It’s not, but it’s a good excuse.
I’m telling you this because I don’t want to pretend it doesn’t exist anymore. I’ve decided to try to divert my impulse shopping to impulse list making. When I see something I’d like to have, I’ll put it on the list. Later, maybe — if I still want it and some free cash come along — I’ll get it. But the impulse buying has got to go. It was, after all, at the very root of yesterday’s panic attack.
Now if I can only convince the BGK that the floor isn’t lava. This walking across the back of the sofa thing is getting annoying.